Life and death
Looking back, there are at least two memorable moments in my residency. One was the 90 year old patient been visited by his demented wife before he goes on comfort care. Other was the birth of first child for a fellow doctor who is my age. Perhaps they are memorable and reminds me of one another because of the symbolism of life and death, their diametric opposition, and that they happened almost exactly one year apart, book-ending one of the most difficult years in my adult life. The year has been a struggle. It had some brief highs, but mostly dark, soul-crashing, lows. I am still digging my way out of it. I was surprised by how intimate and personal it felt watch the old couple saying goodbye, one hopelessly comatosed and other blissfully ignorant. That was when I realized how close to the surface my own fear of mortality is. On the other hand, I was surprised by how deeply touched and truly happy I felt for the couple with their first baby. Perhaps people in their teens and twenty, lucky (or unlucky) enough to have had two or three children, have forgotten how truly special and precious it is. Having walked down the same road, I can imagine the inner fear and maybe regret of another physician having chosen the path and having to delay their own family. The tears upon hearing the first cry of the baby must felt like the culmination of a life's struggle. I am happy for them, and maybe one day...
posted by hedgehog @ 12:49 AM
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