What's the point?
I don't call you anymore. It's easy when I'm swamped during the day, running around work like a chicken without a head. But what's the point? I think of you the rest of the day. Like when I finally got my new bow and arrow set. Like when I hear a funny story on the NPR. Like when I come across a puzzling article about Singapore on the NYT. What about the new season premiere of HIMYM next week? Not talking to you is supposed to make me forget about you, move on with my life, and in the general spirit of that those which do not kill me make me stronger. I miss you and wonder how you are doing. Are you finally happy? Satisfied with life? Sure, I've told my friends that you are the ONE, but only one person so far has seemed to be impressed by that. I'm not and never will be perfect. I'm not going to win any personality contest, wow people with my athletic prowess, impress you with my knowledge in wine/music/art history, or entertain friends with a delightful house party. Gosh, I would be looking elsewhere too if I were a girl. However, there are moments when I can convince myself that a relationship built on trust and mutual respect for each other's ideals and aspiration can overcome any other shortcoming. Without respect for the other person's career, it would be dangerously easy to demand sacrifice from that person for the sake of the relationship. There are enough insecurity when two people are together. It's hard to imagine a life when one has to worry about both the relationship and one's career. This is usually the point when the line "you complete me" comes up and also the point when I come to my senses and realize things I wish for only happen in movies. I know I'm competing against a ridiculously high standard that I can't even imagine, let alone live up to. What's the point? I hope you can find and hold on to the happiness you are looking for. Someone recently used the phrase "incandescently happy" which struck me as quite ridiculous, but I hope you will find that one day (perhaps on match day). But short of that, perhaps "intermittently enthralled" by your work will suffice. I may or may not call you. You may or may not read this. I may or may not get over you. And we may or may not see each other again. But I know you will find what makes you happy one day. Let me know when that day comes, and I will drink to that.
posted by hedgehog @ 2:08 AM
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